Sunday, December 04, 2011

“I've always been a Daily Mail reader. I prefer it to a newspaper”

There has been no small amount of effort gone into compiling this quite brilliant piece of satire.

You may wish to read the post below.

Daily Mail

“I've always been a Daily Mail reader. I prefer it to a newspaper”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Daily Mail

Often referred to as "Fascism with Oven Gloves on" The Daily Wail, also known variously as The Daily Hate, The Daily Heil, The Daily Bile, The Daily Hate Mail, The Fascist Manifesto and The Daily Fail is a hugely popular British comic for those who believe themselves (usually mistakenly) to be members of the middle classes. In 2010 it was also the UK's best selling brand of toilet paper. It is owned by Associated Newspapers, the same media group responsible for the Mail on Sunday and The Metro. A pair of rose-tinted spectacles must be worn to read articles in the Daily Mail, which describe how everything was great in the 1950s before the Islamic Conquest and the introduction of drugs, fat women, asylum seekers, paedophiles, Jonathan Ross, Russell Brand, the homeless, Brown people and the invention of sex made daily life intolerable for the conservative middle-class Chelsea tractor driving mums and retired army colonels that inhabit these sceptred isles.

The Mail was first issued on 4 May 1896. The headline on the first edition was 'The British Union of Fascists: Our Patriotic Angels!'. The present editor is Paul Dacre, known for his sweet, engaging personality and anti-swearing policy.

More recent additions to the Mail line-up include the side-splitting shenanigans of London taxi driver Richard Littlejohn, with his world-famous witticisms, including "British women married to Iraqis should be left to rot in their adopted country, with their hideous husbands and their unattractive terrorist children" and "Does anyone really give a monkey's about what happens in Rwanda? If the Mbongo tribe wants to wipe out the Mbingo tribe and eat their brains then as far as I am concerned that is entirely a matter for them".

It is worth noting that any Daily Mail headline phrased as a question can always be answered with the word 'No'. Hence 'Did Dragons Once Roam This Sceptred Isle?', 'Are we ruled by a Gay Mafia?' and 'Does food give you cancer?'

A first issue of The Daily Mail sold for £1 on 16 March 2004, which was, at the time, the lowest price ever paid for chip wrapping-paper at auction (its use as chip wrapping has long been banned, as people complained it made the chips taste of bile and hate).

In 2009 the Mail began a review of its "Pretend To Oppose Authoritarian Government Policies" policy as Conservative victory at the next election looked increasingly likely. Since May 2010, when a conservative oligarchy was reinstated, it has continually pissed itself in delight applauding Authoritarian Government Policies.

The Daily Mail has been from the outset published under the masthead buy-line "The Stink From The Shit on The Shoe of British Journalism". Drive on, much more


Paul Dacre OBN


Anonymous said...

Dacre and the Mail Group are only interested in taking away the right of normal members of the public like you and me to use the courts to protect ourselves against things like hacking and defamation of character, but are happy themselves to sue the pants off anyone who might want to criticise them.

Man up Mr Dacre. You’re a hypocrite of the highest order.

Anonymous said...

What has Madeleine McCann got to do with this. You are surely not suggesting . . .

PM, Ronda, 10/4/2013 18:31

Himself said...


Morning Chuck.

I have another word for you: Pissant / Piss-ant.

Then apply it to to the rest of the pissant self-righteous comments.

Anonymous said...

Johanna ‏

@MailOnline Why are you acting as mouthpiece of the #McCann circus? The von Aesch link was investigated thoroughly …

Anonymous said...

Can the Sun's Katie Hopkins out-troll the Daily Mail?

Himself said...

Even more LOLs Nothing but LOLs this morning Maren.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I want to marry @KTHopkins #McCann