Friday, February 11, 2011

The Big Vibrate Inn and Sex Is Icky Page

Shurely shome mishtake, shouldn't that be In? it sounds like a hotel chain otherwise.

Anyway; what's with this first story, I thought all the dildos in Alabama were in the State Legislator and not in the shops? Sureley shome other mishtake?

I think to truly appreciate this story you need to know a brief history of what makes people buzz in Alabama, or perhaps more accurately, what's not giving them the opportunity to buzz. Fear not though, all is provided lower down the page as previously reported by moi.

May I remind you, the planet is fucked, the ice caps are melting, America, India and China are burning carboniferous fuel, both liquid and solid, at an alarming rate. Half the world is starving, half the world has no access to clean drinking water, America is bankrupt and rolling down hill like a snowball headed for hell, with no kind of chance for the Flag or the Liberty bell, and yes, the good times really are over for good.

It is the year of our Lord 2011, and what are we talking about? We are talking about vi-bra-tors, god-damned fucking vibrators! and we are talking about it in Ala-fuckin-bama, a state where you can buy a fucking gun! but you can't buy a fucking vibrator!

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All posts links and stuff updated and working.

Alabama sex shop owner swaps 'Guns for Toys'

An Alabama sex shop owner has decided to do her bit for peace and luuurv this Valentine's Day, and is offering customers the chance to trade "Guns for Toys".

Sherri Williams, owneratrix of Pleasures, in Huntsville, hopes to take 300 firearms off the street before the offer wraps on 15 February. Customers are invited to roll up to the store between 11am and 7pm and flash their pieces to gun dealer David Smith, who'll assess the condition and value.

In return for their unwanted firearm, punters will walk off with something which can deliver an equally mighty bang, but with a greatly reduced risk of death.

According to local news outfit WAFF, Williams said "all guns that were used in a crime will be handed over to authorities while all others will be placed in an auction for sale on the store's website".

Part of the proceeds of this sale will benefit The Alabama Crime Victims' Compensation Commission, although it could be argued that reselling the guns is possibly not the best way to support the ACVCC's work.

In the end, though, it's doubtful flogging a few shooters online will have much effect on gun ownership levels in Alabama. It is considerably easier in the Yellowhammer State to get your hands on a gun than to bag a sex toy, since the local anti-obscenity law bans the sale of the latter unless it's for "medical or educational purposes".

Back in 2009, the Alabama Supreme Court rejected an appeal by the Love Stuff chain of shops claiming the law was "unconstitutional" and "unconstitutionally vague".

Owner Ross Winner explained that he was allowed to sell sex toys, but the devices had to be kept in "a back room" and staff were obliged to "ID everyone who enters and refuse sale to anyone who doesn’t fit the medical or educational criteria".

Ross claimed the purchase of a sex toy is a private matter, and the government "does not have the right to have input" on what goes on the intimacy of a citizen's home.

Judges kicked Ross's case into touch, decreeing that "public morality can still serve as a legitimate rational basis for regulating commercial activity, which is not a private activity". source

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First Published under the title: It's a Funny Old World.

My site meter showed a recent visitor from Saudi Arabia (the first) the result of being directed here by a Google search for "Laura Bush vibrators"

Talking of dildos, Republican Representative Ralph Davenport seemingly wants South Carolina to join other states in the Global War on Vibrators.

A sex toy ban has already happened in Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, and Texas. South Carolina could be next on that list.

But here I can't help but wonder, can you buy a gun in those states?

And not unnaturally some people asked the reasonable question and called Rep. Davenport to ask him the state purpose for such a law. (Proposal H4830 see Pam's House Blend Link)

He said some constituents had asked him to introduce the bill, and he hoped that if someone is caught kidnapping someone and using these devices on an unwilling victim, that this would be another offense with which they could be charged.

Whoa boy,whoa whoa whoa, say that again.

if someone is caught kidnapping someone and using these devices on an unwilling victim,

Well Freud I ain't, but Jesus H, what is going on in this tiny suppressed little mind? I don't know what it is boy, but there is some dark unfulfilled little fantasy churning about in there. I mean to say, how many of you as readers, look at a vibrator and see being kidnapped?

If that little sentence alone doesn't set the alarm bells a ringing, the hooters a hooting and the whistles a whistling I don't know what will. Un-fucking believable that anybody could come out with such a statement, if that is what is in his head, what else is in there? Lawdy lawdy!

But Davenport, who professes not to know what a sex toy is (the hell you don't) also proposed this bill. (H3273)


In the state house grounds this fellow wants to build a monument to a foetus! A nutcase you'd be thinking, a lone nutcase. Sorry, there are thirty three, yes thirty three* sponsors of this bill. (new link*)

Now at this point I have to tell you, I'm struggling with this story, struggling inasmuch that I'm having a problem getting my head around the fact there are thirty three grown men and women that have put their names forward to endorse the building of a "Foetus for Jesus" monument, I'm struggling with it a great deal indeed.

I asked further up the page what was it that was going on in Davenport's head, well if you pop over to Pam's House Blend where she asks you to Look at Davenport's level of detail and research that obviously went into crafting this masterpiece of legislation.

So what conclusion can I reach about yer man Davenport, well for a man that don't know nuttin about sex toys, he knows a great deal about sex toys, and strangely enough an awful lot about all the Icky places that they might go.

I must stop this practice of getting up in the middle of the night for a cuppa (tea) it was never my intention to write this piece, not the first under similar circumstances, and I doubt the last.
So to round it off a couple of limericks that I dashed off at the time.

All us girls down South Caroline,
Scrub at sin 'till we do shine.
But to take away,
So we can't play.
Don't you dare it's mine mine mine.

My Daddy has asked me to,
Keep myself so pure and true.
But my little toy,
Gives so much joy.
Bet it knows much more than you.

New Update:
Gardner believes it would be good publicity, "I believe it would be a tourist attraction. No other state in our nation has such a monument."

You don't say.

1st Update:

(2) 'patently offensive' means obviously and clearly disagreeable, objectionable, repugnant, displeasing, distasteful, or obnoxious to contemporary standards of decency and propriety within the community.

(3) 'prurient interest' means a shameful or morbid interest in nudity, sex, or excretion and is reflective of an arousal of lewd and lascivious desires and thoughts.

I think this must be Davenport's way of saying it's worth watching.

Which only leaves me only to say: Only In Ameriki folks, only in Ameriki.

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Texas Is Buzzing Vibrator Law Overturned

I shall not write a word.

What the judges wrote

"Just as in Lawrence, the state here wants to use its law to enforce a public moral code by restricting private intimate conduct," the judges wrote in the 2-1 ruling. "This case is not about public sex. It is not about controlling commerce in sex. It is about controlling what people do in the privacy of their own homes because the state is morally opposed to a certain type of of consensual private intimate conduct."more

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Sex Toys: Mississippi Back in The "News" Again

Stroll on! and the bloody TV station even send a crew out and conduct their own little "sting," what a bunch of repressed fucktards.

If this is what constitutes a news story in Jackson Mississippi then all I can say is thank God the Atlantic Ocean lies between us.

What will they ban next, Teddy Bears?

There is a video with the story that for whatever reasons only wants to deliver audio to my machine.

Update: Video here. Merci beaucoup to anonymous in the comments.

And it is here, at this point, as a European, and if I could find the words I would scream them out, this is just so fucking bizarre, so absolutely fucking culturally bizarre. The television station is featuring on the news, a sting that they instigated, about buying a fucking vibrator! Honestly, really and truly in all honesty, my brain just doesn't have a reference point for this. It just won't compute it.

America! it's not another country, it's another world entirely.

Adult Video and Books on McDowell Road in Jackson is apparently selling illegal sex toys again.
Jackson police raided the store at least two times last year after an undercover sting. Three people were arrested and several boxes of sex toys were seized.
A "3 on Your Side" undercover investigation shows that the business is back at it again and is not even discreet about selling the devices.
WLBT received the tip, so we decided to go undercover to see if it was true.

Kandiss Crone entered the store and said "Hi...I'm going to a bachelorette party, I'm looking for a sex toy."
After looking over the stock Kandiss said "Can i have that purple one?"
As soon as the sale was completed our team walked back into the store to confront the owner.
Kandiss: "Hi charles, I'm Kandiss Crone from WLB. I understand this business was raided for selling sex toys illegally. I just purchased this sex toy and it is still illegal to sell them in the state of mississippi. Even though you were raided last year and you're still selling them, what is your response to that?more

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"You're going to have to pry this vibrator from my cold, dead hand"

NVA then?

Sex Toy Ban Remains Intact
MONTGOMERY, Ala. - The U.S. Supreme Court declined Monday to hear a challenge to Alabama's ban on the sale of sex toys, ending a nine-year legal battle and sending a warning to store owners to clean off their shelves.
An adult-store owner had asked the justices to throw out the law as an unconstitutional intrusion into the privacy of the bedroom. The Supreme Court declined to hear the appeal, leaving intact a lower court ruling that upheld the law. more

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No Sex Toys Allowed You're In Dixie Now

You are by now probably aware of my feelings regarding the repressed puritans of America, so I am not going to reiterate, you can read about the subject here or here, or you can go to Babeland's Blog and have far more interesting experience as you read away

Yesterday the Eleventh Circuit court held that Alabama’s ban on sex toys is constitutional. On Valentine’s Day of all days! The ruling does so on the grounds “that Alabama has an interest in preserving “public morality” against the sale of such devices.” This ban does not prohibit owning sex toys or using them, just (just!) buying them anywhere in the state of Alabama........

While you are over at Babeland's Blog not looking in the left hand sidebar at what she has to offer the discerning perv, and not placing your order for one or more of her Premium Vibes or any number of other interesting little tricks, or not placing an order in the waterproof section for little Ducky that would bring a whole new dimension to bathnight, while you're not doing any of those things, don't read the (unfortunately few) comments on the page. A snippet below.

From Texas:
An adult bookstore employee in El Paso, Texas, sued the state after his arrest for showing two undercover officers a device shaped like a penis and telling the female officer the device would arouse and gratify her.
The employee, Ignacio Sergio Acosta, says a Texas law outlawing the manufacture, marketing or dissemination of an “obscene device” including those shaped like sex organs.........

Bondage Ducky not from Babeland.

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Democracy! I’ll Take Anarchy Any Day

Georgia House bans genital piercings for women.

The Associated Press - ATLANTA

“Genital piercings for women were banned by the Georgia House Wednesday as lawmakers considered a bill outlining punishments for female genital mutilation

The bill would make such mutilation punishable by two to 20 years (sic)in prison. It makes no exception for people who give consent to have the procedure performed on their daughters out of religious or cultural custom.

An amendment adopted without objection added, "piercing" to the list of things that may not be done to female genitals. Even adult women would not be allowed to get the procedure. The bill eventually passed 160-0, with no debate.

Amendment sponsor Rep. Bill Heath, R-Bremen, was slack-jawed when told after the vote that some adults seek the piercings.

"What? I've never seen such a thing," Heath said. "I, uh, I wouldn't approve of anyone doing it. I don't think that's an appropriate thing to be doing."

The ban applies only to women, not men. The bill has already been approved by the Senate but now must return to that chamber because of the piercing amendment. Both chambers of the Legislature must agree on a single version of a bill before it can go to the governor for final approval.”

I can only assume the proposed bill was originally intended to address the custom of female circumcision but then went on to included consensual adult female piercing.

Two to twenty years; I wouldn’t have a problem with the full twenty being handed down to any parent who subjected a daughter to such a selfish act of barbarism, in fact if religion were cited as the reason for carrying out this heinous act, I would give them forty years.

And my reasons would not be, as you might have so easily gathered, that I am anti religion, for this practice is nothing whatsoever to do with religion, it is but for the purposes of subjugating women and robbing them of their sexuality and as such, make them less likely to “stray.”
And in doing so, bolster against the overriding insecurity of the misogynist males that abound in the countries where this practice still takes place.

Having said all this I cannot get my head round that the reasons for this legalisation are enlightenment and altruism, not in, of all places, Georgia.
No, I fancy it more for the “icky” factor, ickyness being related to the goings on that occur in the region between the navel and the knee.

One only has to read the article to have my views endorsed.

“The bill eventually passed 160-0

With no debate.”

Bill Heath, Repub. (how could he be other than?) was slack-jawed when told after the vote that some adults seek the piercings.

"What? I've never seen such a thing," Heath said. "I, uh, I wouldn't approve of anyone doing it. I don't think that's an appropriate thing to be doing."


If that sentence alone doesn’t have you screaming then nothing will.

The ban applies only to women, not men.

“Men have authority over women because God has made the one superior to the other. (Qur’an 4:34)

Democracy! Give me a break.

All these weird and wonderful stories drawn from the "Sex Prudery" tag here at Only in America.


Ulysses said...

You've outdone yourself here, Himself. Life in our times seems more and more to resemble a Monty Python sketch. Maybe we could set up a new comedy network on T.V. With little effort we could find hours of astounding red state Republican wackiness to air every day. Thanks for your great blog!

Himself said...

It's something else Ulysses, it really is, and as you note it's always the bloody Republicans. When they're not shagging their kids they're getting it on with their sister, who just happens to be their mother.

In between passing dildo legislation that is.

But it was the TV station that did it for me, that really was some piece of newscasting. And do you know, I bet they couldn't see just how bizarre and totally off the wall they looked.

Well it's bloody obvious they didn't.

I must away to the feathers. it's a silly hour once again.

Thank you for your kind words.

Himself said...

Ulysses, on the chance you pop back.
It was this story,

A Christian warmonger on steroids.

which is only about some gobshite right wing nutter, and not particularly interesting, that led me to this one, which I felt was far more so.

Pro-Lifers for Mass Murder

SteelMagnolia said...

Hi 'H' I just had to know , and yes it seems Mormons are allowed...trying to find some images of Mormons 'sex aids' am thinking of those 'magic

'D' xx

Himself said...

Since we have no reliable information on what is impure and unnatural,

Not met Bennett then?

I will attach one folder at a time and send you some bits.

sex toys online said...

That is so awesome.